


A Game of Telephone

by tittysatan



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Accidental Phone Sex, M/M, gon doesn't know what sex is, this whole thing is a shitpost
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-19
Updated: 2017-12-19
Packaged: 2019-02-17 05:49:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,057
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13070421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tittysatan/pseuds/tittysatan
Summary: Today must be the day for suspicious phone calls.





	A Game of Telephone

Gon and Killua were lounging together in their hotel room, watching a Heaven’s Arena match on the TV, when Gon’s phone rang.

“Who is it?” Killua asked as Gon flipped it open.

“Dunno… It says the ID’s blocked,” he replied, turning it to show Killua the screen. “Do you think I should pick up?”

“Better not,” he said. “It’s probably just a telemarketer or something.”

Gon pressed ignore, and they turned back to the match.

Not a minute later it was ringing again. “I think I’d better get it,” Gon said. “Maybe it’s important?”

Killua shrugged. “Just hang up if it’s someone sketchy.” The fight was getting heated, and he was rather more interested in that than whoever was trying to get in touch with his friend.

“Hello?” Gon said into the phone, sitting up cross-legged on the bed.

“Hello, little apple~ ♥” a familiar voice purred from the other line.

“Oh, hi Hisoka!” Gon said. On the other side of the bed, Killua grimaced. “How’d you get my number?”

“Let’s just say I…have my ways,” Hisoka replied. “But tell me… It’s been _such_ a long time since we last saw each other. Have you gotten any… _stronger_?”

Something was odd about the way he was talking – well, odder than usual. Almost as if he was out of breath, Gon thought. Maybe he’d just finished training? Probably something like that. “You bet I have!” he said. “I’ve been training nonstop for the past few weeks!”

“Nonstop, ohhh…” Hisoka sighed. “I do love the sound of that…”

“I can do Hatsu for almost three hours now!”

There was a strange, hitching gasp on the other line. “So you can go for three hours without stopping… Oh, _Gon_ , you never fail to impress…! I bet if we fought again now, it’d go _very_ differently~”

Okay, this was definitely weird. “…are you alright? You sound funny,” Gon said. Could Hisoka be sick? He didn’t seem like the type to get ill, somehow, but it was possible…

Killua didn’t take his eyes off the screen, but he was starting to frown slightly.

“Oh, I’m fine, I’m just great~! But more importantly… How do you think it’d go if we fought again now?”

Well, if he said so… “I think I’d do way better! I understand your Bungee Gum better since that volleyball match, and I’m a lot stronger, so I think I might even be able to beat you!”

There was a pause, and then…was that a _moan_? Was he hurt?

“Seriously, are you okay?” Gon asked again.

Killua was frowning in earnest now, hand at his mouth.

“Don’t worry about that!” Hisoka said, sounding almost frantic. “What would you do to me~!?”

“I mean, if I managed to hit you head-on with a Rock, that’d probably do it, right? It’s even stronger now than the one you saw!”

The terrible light of recognition slowly began to dawn in Killua’s eyes.

“Mm, yes…! Say, how did that go again…?” Hisoka asked, panting almost too hard for his words to be understood.

“Don’t tell me you forgot!” Gon pouted. “First is rock… Jan… ken…”

“Gon, don’t…!” Killua said, scrambling up with panic in his eyes.

“Rock!” Gon finished.

Judging from the noises on the other end, he wasn’t the only one.

And then Hisoka hung up. Gon was left looking at his phone, wondering why he felt so used.

“What was _that_ about?” he asked.

Killua stared at him with the eyes of one who has seen hell. “That was… He was probably… You know what, never mind.”

“What? No! Tell me!” Gon sulked, crossing his arms.

“You’re better off not knowing,” Killua sighed. “Just trust me on this one. I mean, I wish _I_ didn’t. Can we please just pretend that whole thing never happened?”

Gon sighed, flopping down on his stomach. “I mean, I _guess_ so…”

“…and maybe hang up right away if Hisoka calls again.”

“At least explain why!”

Killua buried his face in his arms. “Please just trust me here.”

“…fiiiiine.”

They turned back to the match.

But it wasn’t more than a few minutes before another call interrupted them – this time from Killua’s phone. He flipped it open and sighed. “Aw man, it’s my brother… I’d better take this, he’ll keep calling all day if I don’t.” He pressed talk. “Hi, Illu-nii.”

“I miss you, Kil,” a soft monotone said from the other side.

“…right.”

“When are you coming home?”

Killua sighed, rolling his eyes. “I’m _not_.”

“You know you’ll have to grow up and stop being so rebellious one of these days.”

Killua didn’t even bother to respond. Trying to argue with Illumi was like slamming his head into a brick wall.

“I can’t wait to see you again,” Illumi said.

The younger brother couldn’t repress a shudder. “Yeah, I bet.”

“I can’t stop thinking about you. It’s been so hard…”

“What are you, a stalker?”

“I’m your big brother,” Illumi said as thought it was the most natural thing in the world. “I love you. You love me too, don’t you?”

Killua moved to hang up.

“If you hang up, I’ll just keep calling you back,” Illumi said. “Tell me you love me.”

Killua glared at the phone as if Illumi could somehow see it. “Sure. Fine. Whatever. I love you.”

There was an odd, quiet sigh on the line. “Goodbye, Kil. Let’s see each other soon.”

Killua snapped his phone shut with enough force to almost break it. “You’re so lucky you’re an only child,” he muttered, flopping back down next to Gon.

“I guess today’s the day for weird phone calls,” Gon said.

“Okay, that was nothing like–” Killua cut himself off, laugh dying in his throat. “…oh no.”

“What?” Gon asked.

Killua collapsed onto his stomach, facedown in the comforter. “This is the worst…!”

“What happened? Why won’t you tell me!?” Gon asked again, shaking him.

“I’m never taking another phone call again,” Killua muttered.

“But what if it’s from me?”

It was a good thing he was facedown, Killua thought, because Gon would definitely have gotten suspicious at the way that made him blush. “Can we _please_ just pretend this never happened!?”

Even though he couldn’t see it, Killua could feel Gon’s sulky glare on his back. “Fiiiiiine.”

It was a long time before Killua could answer the phone normally.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to Aki for encouraging my dumb bullshit!


End file.
